Orlando Luis Pardo Lazo

Moonlight Ramble bike ride tonight

I’ll be riding on the Moonlight Ramble tonight.
I’ll be on a red bike hanging out with some friends.
We’ll be drinking and laughing.
I would love to meet you if you’re interesting and cute.
Feel free to shoot me a message with your name, number, and a pic.
Maybe we can meet up?
Hope to hear from you.
Your age,
sexual preferences don’t matter to me.
Your politics do, though.
Don’t support Trump.
Just be cool and fun.
I’m real.
It’s the 54th Annual Moonlight Ramble.

Chocolate brotha seeking relationship

I’m seeking a serious relationship.
I’m slowly building a kingdom and I’m looking for a good woman that I can build with.
Here’ who I am:
I’m a creative.
I’m 26 with no children.
I’m disease and drug free.
I have my own place, car, and business.
I’m educated.
I’m HWP.
I’m well groomed and very stylish.
I’m very sensual and enjoy pleasing my woman.
You like what you’re reading so far?
Here’s what I’m looking for in a woman:
Mentally stable.
Educated/professional woman.
Slim to decent size.
I prefer a woman with no kids but I’m open.
Sensual as well.
Race doesn’t matter and no Trump supporters!
If you’re interested in getting to know me better just reply to my ad.
And tell me a little about yourself with a pic.
In the subject line put “BAE” or I will delete.
And please no endless emails and be serious.

Craving Republican Boy(s)

Are you anything at all like any of the guys pictured above?
I’ve been a bad, bad hombre.
I voted for the nasty woman.
Now it is time to cum together.
Is a skyscraper rising inside those boxers yet?
Show me who is boss and give me a taste of what the next 4-8 years will be like under your rule.
Pop some tic-tacs in your mouth.
Grab me by the ass and expand Trump Tower.

Apparently terrible at online dating

I never know what to say in these things.
Say too much, you scare someone away.
Say too little, you tend to attract the wrong person
and the whole point of writing an ad goes out the window.
As I was driving home Friday, and as the weather turned cooler over the weekend,
the idea of fall’s arrival seemed much more concrete.
I like the first part of fall.
And like everyone else, I enjoy being outside and watching the leaves turn.
But I love summer and I wring every ounce of it every year that I can.
Fall has its moments and as a single person, I’ve noticed that,
the same desire to couple that occurs in the spring, happens in the fall.
I think women become more confident too.
They can both show off and hide their curves
that were out on display throughout the summer.
Right now, I’m staying with family as my dad goes through his cancer diagnosis
and I go from being a contracted data analyst to something full time.
Trust me, I’m good at my job.
I’m resourceful and I’m pretty smart.
I like my job.
I don’t like how my days sometimes feel like my feet are superglued to a conveyor belt.
Throughout my day I’ll listen to pop songs or obscure pop songs
(Diana Anaid’s Queen is both energetic and fodder for earworms).
I start my day listening to the Daily (Today),
Pod Save America,
maybe the Gist or some Ezra Klein.
Bonus points if you recognize any of my references.
I hate Trump is president and it hurts my heart.
There are days I feel powerless
and feel the jackbooted evilness of the Republican Party
as they strip healthcare,
freedom of speech
and confidence in democracy from the American people.
Every day I call Congress
to voice my opposition to the week’s policy.
Small differences, I suppose.
I come home and cook dinner,
play with my two puppies,
read something of a book or The New York Times.
And I’ll do it again.
During the weekend, I’ll ride my bike 10 or 20 miles,
indulge in some pet project,
work on something art-related
(a drawing or a Photoshop of some sort).
So that’s me.
I don’t know if my hobbies are indicative of whom I am,
but it’s a starting place, I suppose.
I’ve been single for a few years.
I got my heart broken then and decided I’d take a break and work on me.
Maybe it was an excuse then.
Maybe I should have listened to my friends
and got back on the horse sooner, who knows.
I know every girl wants a track star
that hobbies as an American Ninja Warrior,
but I’m sorry that’s not me.
I have a dad-bod without having any kids.
I’m a guy who works really hard
and is trying to work harder on himself.
I have my flaws but I’m comfortable in my own skin.
I have my limits but I’m not beyond growing,
especially for the right person.
So maybe you’ve made it this far
and maybe you want to know what I want in someone.
Smart is sexy, what can I say.
Someone who recognizes I’ve got a lot of it figured out but some of it I don’t.
The person I want finds that attractive:
to be a pioneer with someone,
and grow
and encourage each other to find our potential.
Someone who sees this is a lot more valuable than sharing sports teams
(I like listening to baseball on the radio
and I like going to a hockey game once in a while,
that’s what’s in my sports toolbox).
A few months ago I put an ad on here.
I had maybe 3 responses.
I tried to reply to everyone but sorry to say there wasn’t much chemistry.
One girl proud to be sporting her moo-moo.
Another proudly announcing she was a great grandmother.
And another who only responded with 3-word sentences.
I don’t want to offend anyone.
I’m 40 and I’m looking for someone my age or younger,
someone who can read between the lines and “gets me.”
I know that’s a tall order, especially for Craigslist.
But that’s what you get when you are dealing with a pragmatic optimist.
Drop me a line,
make my Monday brighter.
I’d love to hear from you.

Ready and Reliable

I am looking for a long-term friend.
Someone sensitive and an animal lover.
I would love to talk to someone who had the wisdom to vote Trump.
Somebody to talk to and go out with.
Love to cuddle and hold hands.
Go for walks.
I would like to talk to someone who plans for the future.
I would like to meet somebody who can challenge me intellectually.
Would like to meet someone who has faith and hope for the future
and would love to go to church.
Local people near Saint Louis preferred.
Please send pic so I know you are real.

Daddy/daughter roleplaying

I am an attractive dominate daddy-type seeking a daughter for role-playing.
Please send me a message if you are into this.
I live in South City.
Yes, I am real.
Cubs won the World Series and Trump won the election.

Are you the one… or two?

Seeking widows and recent divorcees because that’s my best dating pool.
It’s kind of sad.
There are about 200,000 people in the 30-mile radius I look for a woman to date.
That narrows it down to roughly 105,000 total females
(since men tend to die younger than women).
Throw in women in my age-appropriate category and that’s 22% of the population.
That narrows it down to 23,100 of the females in the area.
Let’s take out the ~3.4% that identifies as a lesbian
(I get along with many lesbians but not in that way),
that takes it down to 22,314.
Let’s go ahead and remove the married ladies of 52%
(I know some act single, but we won’t count them)
and it’s down to 11,603.
Take out those living with a partner
(another 4%)
and you get 11,139.
Another 2.9% are institutionalized,
so we are at 10,905.
Take into account education and those with a bachelor’s degree or higher at 41.7%
and you get 6,401.
About 40% are in dating relationships,
so now we are down to 3,380.
About 8% are atheists or very non-religious,
so now we have 3,109 left.
Politically about 45% in Boone County that voted for Hillary,
so they are out.
We are down to 1,710
(I’m way more anti-Hillary than pro-Trump).
I’m guessing a few regrets their vote,
so we’ll bump it back up to 1,900.
I did a review of a dating site
and estimate that I am attracted to about 30% of the age-appropriate women there,
that’s now down to 507.
Go to the crazy-hot grid and let’s knock out the crazy women…
about half.
Now we’ve got 253.
I know probably 100 of them,
and have gone out with maybe 50 over a couple decades in town
(that’s a couple a year, stop doing the math!).
We’re down to 103.
Many are unavailable for working nights,
so that’s another 26.6% lopped off the top.
It’s tough to meet,
that’s now 79 total.
About half are not in a good place or just broke up with someone,
so that’s about 40 left.
About 49% have average or higher credit scores,
so that’s about 19 left.
Half of women dislike military men,
so I’m down to about 10.
Another half say they’re intimidated by a smart man,
so that’s 5 left.
At least one of those drinks too much or uses pot.
Another is a gambler or excessive shopper.
I’m down to 3,
three total.
What if I blink?
I miss one and it’s two.
When I say I’m looking for the one, I’m serious.
I could say two, but women don’t like that.
So I’ll say one
(rounding down).
If I moved to Saint Louis, it may be about 45.
So, I’ve got to watch the divorces granted and obituaries for my dating pool,
although I need to wait 6 months for the dust to settle.
This is exhausting.
The numbers are totally against me.
I heard the odds of a woman 45+ finding a man
were about the same as getting struck by lightning.
I’m seeing that too.
Really, I’m not horrible,
although I was called a deplorable a few months ago.
I’m in a good place in my life.
I have an active and busy life.
If you’re the one or two…
write me back giving me your number.
I am in Columbia for sure.
I know of Gerbes, Hy-Vee and Schnucks.


Foxy chat buddy wanted.
Please don’t respond if:
You voted for a Trump.
You smoke ciggies.
You’ve ever skinned a squirrel.
You wear Camo.
You listen to top 40.
You say Wal-Marts.
You drink Miller Lite.
You take yourself too seriously.

Monday is for moms

I’ve posted here several times
and have only had two women respond who weren’t in it for money.
Let me make this real simple.
If you’re at home and horny,
don’t have the kids today or can take a power lunch from work,
and you want to be eaten out or fucked today,
respond by putting what neighborhood you want me to come to and when,
in the subject line.
I can also host,
so if you’d rather come to me put “your place” in the subject line
and what time you want to come over.
Send a face pic.
The Russian Spam Bots that clutter Craigslist in the service of your President
(I’m Canadian!)
never listen and constantly send stolen porn pics.
Just like Trump.
Don’t ask me for money.
You want sex?
Me too.
Let’s fuck!
I mean, Mondays always suck anyway.
So why not enjoy sucking on each other for a change?
Simple is always better on a Monday!
Of course, tips are welcome.
And that’s it.
Should be easy!
I bet my first 10 responses won’t follow these simple directions.
Do not contact me with unsolicited services or offers.


Here I sit, in a dimly lit cubicle.
There’s work to do, but I’m a lousy employee.
The click of keyboards resonates from every direction.
Winter is coming.
Pizza sounds good.
Trump is certifiable.
I wish Robot Chicken was on.
Maybe there’s a cute girl out there looking to chat?

Looking for mature flip-flop

I’m an educated,
and versatile too.
I’m available best during the daytime.
I’m 6’1”,
192 lbs,
a non-smoker,
D&D free,
somewhat hairy
and love sex.
I’m a true bi,
loving sex with men and women.
But my wife has lost all interest in sex
and I haven’t.
I don’t want to change anything.
I just want clean, discrete and safe sex.
That I find quite comfortably in m2m sex.
I’m open to trying just about anything
except playing with feet,
or anything more than light pain.
I’m about 7” and uncut
(clean and never with cheese).
I love to flip-flop
(most often during the same sessions).
I can do either with ease.
I can never host.
As someone on the DL and wanting discretion,
I don’t participate in picture swaps.
If you need to verify that I am as advertised,
I’ll gladly meet you for coffee or a beer.
I’m not interested in meeting anyone
that voted or supports Trump.

Looking for a fun friend, “smaller” guys welcome!

If this ad is still up, then we are still looking!
Today is October 25th
and we’re still looking for our best match!
31/f and 34/m near the Belleville area.
We’re very tame and are looking for a fun friend more than anything.
We don’t want to share/swap.
We’re more looking for someone that wants to watch us.
Hang out and watch porn together.
Attend concerts or something together.
And go out now and then.
Neither of us are perfect,
but we are both considered attractive,
and I do catch guys checking her out fairly regularly!
Good looking white guy,
around 190 lbs and 5’10.
Very cute/small exotic looking Asian.
Petite and young looking.
Male or female, please be single.
For men:
White, Asian, possibly Hispanic.
Fit, clean cut,
extremely good personal hygiene.
Not hairy in general
(a smooth chest is a big plus for her).
Dick size does not matter at all
since you will not be having sex with her.
In fact,
a good looking guy that has a smaller dick is a bonus.
Feels less threatening.
You should be our age or younger.
Younger is better.
Be good natured and nice,
shower her with compliments!
For women:
Please, be single.
White, Asian, Hispanic.
Fit and pretty black girls are welcome as well.
Please, be bi or curious.
Be fit, funny, and a sweetie.
Someone who is actually a conservative in general politically,
but just a little wild in this one area,
would be perfect for us.
Because that’s basically who we are as well.
Trump supporters to the front of the line, LOL!
Our schedule is pretty full,
so it would be best if you live near the Belleville area
and do not have much else going on.
That way you can easily accommodate our free time.
We’d most likely want to hang out/play after 9pm during the week
and hang out during the day on weekends.
With playtime after 9.
have an open schedule and be available.
We imagine a lonely college student,
guy or girl,
that doesn’t have a lot going on
and just wants to hang out and do things together
would be a good fit for us.
We’re both very nice and kind people,
you should be too.
This is actually very scary for us,
but exciting.
No guarantees on anything.
No expectations on either side.
Sound good?
Send your picture
(normal Facebook-like picture is good, not dick pics)
in your first email or you will not get a response.
Thanks for reading all of this.

Is there any real ladies out there that haven’t slept around?

Looking to spend some time with a young lady over 21 that has not slept around.
Does not smoke or do drugs.
My preference,
someone that only has been with white men and hopefully not many.
Someone that takes care of herself.
I know it is a lot to ask for,
but I know you are out there.
I haven’t been with anyone on here.
Most people seem to be spam.
I am not going to answer posts asking if I am real because I am.
Trump is the President.
Everyone wants the first picture,
so do I.
Your picture is private and can be deleted if you want.
No picture, no response.
Simple as that.
I am a white male with a bigger than average tool.
Love to be with a younger woman again.
Haven’t been with a true redhead lady.
Thank you for your consideration.

Platonic with possibilities

I’m bored
at work
and would love to chat
with a pretty girl.
I’ll make you laugh at
the very least.
Feel free to reach out
if you’re not
a Trump supporter.

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